I try not to, but I can recall, vividly, the day Bella, my beloved dog, died. It happened recently, just this past October, and every day since has felt simultaneously five years and five seconds long.
Trying to sleep that night brought memories of Bella, who was my companion since I was 16 (for context, I am now 26), and always slept under the blankets with me.
Although she was only 15 pounds, she always kept me warm, even in the frozen Wisconsin winters.
The night she died, I tossed and turned for hours. I had never felt so alone. I would cry for a while, calm down, and then see something or remember something that would trigger my tears to fall again.
It was around two in the morning when I finally gave up on catching any sleep. My heart was much heavier than my preferred weight of a weighted blanket, and the spot beside me laid empty.
I pulled out my phone, desperate for both a distraction and some kind of answer; what was I supposed to do now?
I Googled, “what to do when your pet dies,” because I genuinely had no idea how to cope.
I could find a million articles on what to do when a loved one – a human loved one, that is – dies. Grief counseling, support groups, and endless forums for human grief were available at my fingertips. But the grief of losing a pet felt different; I didn’t know if it would be “acceptable” to sign up for a counseling session at school. I wondered if people would take me and my grief seriously when I told them that my dog died. I thought back to when others told me that their pet had died, and every time I had secretly thought, “I am so glad that’s not me.” But this time, it was me.
After clicking on just about every link I could find on the topic, I was assured that pet grief, although different, is just as valid as human grief. They should both be faced the same way; with grace and patience.
Losing a loved one, either two or four legged, isn’t easy. One of the hardest parts of grieving is going through the process without the one you need most: the one who passed. We rely on our animal companions to be our support. I can’t even begin to tally the number of times I squeezed Bella close, crying into her wiry fur. But now, I have to cry without her. I’m learning that all this grief I have for her, all the tears I still shed, is all the love in my heart for her.
I have to remind myself to be kind to myself, which is always easier said than done. I use humor to cope and try my best to forget that she’s gone. I realize this isn’t the healthiest way to cope, but I’m doing the best I can. And somedays, my best is only 30%.
If you’ve lost a pet, and find yourself tossing and turning, struck with grief, I am so sorry, and I have some advice for you.
GET THROUGH THE NEXT MOMENT
The only thing that got me through that night and eventually to sleep was turning on a silly show. I chose Spongebob. I was able to focus on the goofy plotline until my body succumbed to exhaustion. So, find something easy to comfort you during the immediate wave of grief.
HONOR YOUR PET
Find a way to honor your pet, whatever works best for you.
I got a tattoo of Bella’s pawprint two days after she passed.
When faculty advisor Bryan Lund’s family lost their beloved chihauhau Sally, his partner comissioned a felt sculpture by Amarama (coincidentally the mother of current Echo comics/graphic editor Rowan Vercnocke).
BE OPEN ABOUT YOUR SADNESS
Bernard Baruch once said, “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for the way you grieve, and don’t let anyone tell you that your grief isn’t important just because it’s for an animal.
Some pets, like my Bella, have a way of imprinting themselves on our souls. They worm their way into the deepest chambers of our hearts, even though they scream instead of bark and pee on our yoga mats. Some pets become one of the most important facets of our lives, and it can be absolutely devastating when they pass. so don’t feel guilty or annoying for doing the following:
Talk about your pet
Share photos
Cry endlessly
Make the saddest Taylor Swift playlist possible and scream-sing the whole way home.
CONTINUE TO LOVE
Humans and animals are meant to care for one another. Your heart may be hurting, but think about what your pet would want you to do with all the love you’re left with. When the time is right, it’s okay to adopt a new pet. Maybe snag the oldest one in the shelter, because they probably just lost a loved one, too.
SEEK AND ACCEPT SUPPORT
Your pet and your grief matter. If you find yourself struggling or just need a shoulder to cry on, please visit http://myhealth.rctc.edu/ to access RCTC’s mental health services.
by Jessica Cormican