Our society has normalized drinking to the extent that we are often not given enough information to understand the consequences of overconsuming alcohol daily. In reality, we are influenced to consume it rather than be warned about the consequences. We see this in the number of times alcohol is put in front of you in advertising, TV shows, movies, social media, and so much more. It is shown as a fun thing that gives people a good time.
That is the culture we live in and sadly, that is the culture that only perpetuates the disease of alcoholism.
Unfortunately, my dad was one of the many young adults who became a victim of our normalized drinking society and I want to share his story, starting with him at our age and how the choices we make now have a lasting impact on our future. I want to share how those choices effect not only you, but all of the people around you. Even some who might not exist yet.
My dad went into the Navy right out of high school. At the time he was still a “bible-thumping Christian.” At first, he could not drink often because he was in training for the Navy, but eventually that changed, and he assimilated into the Navy’s drinking culture. One of the first experiences with alcohol in the Navy that my dad mentioned when I interviewd him was when six of them took a minivan to Rosarito and had a three-day binge drink. My dad talked about the hardships of the Navy and why there is a big drinking culture there:
“Every conflict, every situation you have to handle with kid gloves, you can’t get angry. You just have to hold it in and work through it best. Then you get pulled into port, drink, and blow off steam.”
What my dad did not realize at that time though is that he was beginning his journey of addiction.
In college and life, there is also a lot of stress that leads to a the same pattern of “blowing off steam” that my dad experienced in the Navy. My dad made a point when talking about drinking in the Navy, “I wouldn’t say it’s any different than college.”
My dad’s hunch is correct that many college students also tend to drink (and binge drink). According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, “in the 2022 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), of full-time college students ages 18 to 22, 49.0% drank alcohol and 28.9% engaged in binge drinking in the past month.” This shows that drinking is a trending pastime amongst young adults in college and the military. These statistics show just how normalized drinking is for young adults; if you are not scared about that, you should be.
The years following my dad›s time in the Navy only showed the extent of the hold that addiction can take over someone. I remember that my dad’s drinking played a pretty big role in my parents getting divorced. I would always hear my mom complaining to my dad about it. I remember wanting them to get along and be okay, but they never were. Something was always wrong and most of the time I remember those arguments centering around my dad and his drinking. I was too young then to notice how it was a problem, but as I got older I saw how it affected the lives of my dad and everyone around him. That is what the disease does. It consumes you. It ultimately can ruin everything that you have built. I have seen it happen right before my eyes over and over again.
Being a child of an alcoholic you see a lot of destruction. You see marriages fail. People leave when you had hoped they would stay. Trust is broken. Family relationships are broken. You watch as someone you love tears apart their body day by day with poison. What can you do about any of it? How can you help when you›re just a kid? Those are questions I asked myself too many times and had to learn, after putting too much pressure on myself, that the only way an alcoholic or any other addict can get better is if they want it bad enough for themselves. You cannot force them to want it. They have to want it, too.
I watched as my dad’s second marriage fell apart. Arguments about different things took place, but I remember the arguing that I had to listen to over and over again about my dad going out drinking. I just didn’t want to hear it anymore. I wanted a weekend with my dad where everything wasn’t so chaotic. I knew he had a problem, but at this point in my life, I was too afraid to confront him. I wanted him to stop drinking so I did not see another marriage fall apart especially since I loved the family very much, but I wasn’t sure what to do. I got close to them and then just like that they weren’t in my life anymore. The amount of anger I had at my dad and his drinking for that is something that no words can comprehend. I had just lost some of the most important people in my life and I knew part of it had to do with the fact that my dad was suffering an addiction that he was too afraid to admit he was going through.
My dad went to a treatment center in the fall of 2020 for 31 days to get sober. When he got back I tried to trust he was not drinking. Even when I knew he had started again I was in denial and did not confront him about it for the longest time. Once I did though I found out he had started drinking again. It tore me apart. Why hadn’t I been able to stop him? What could I have done differently to keep this from happening? I was so angry at myself and my dad all at the same time. Alcohol had been this thing that had torn so many parts of my life up and I was sick of the hold it had on my dad. My dad’s drinking only progressively got worse from there.
On March 2, 2023, my dad was diagnosed with liver failure. He described some of the symptoms that he experienced in our recent interview. He talked about the paracentesis fluid that would build up in his stomach causing lots of bloating and stomach pain for long periods, “Over the last year there were times when I had almost eight liters in my abdomen.”
He ended up losing weight from not having an appetite due to the pain in his abdomen that he would constantly feel. On March 2nd, 2023, he weighed 285 pounds. By November 15th he weighed 151 pounds.
I remember seeing him after not seeing him for a while; he looked like a walking skeleton with no fat on his bones and no muscle to be found. He was facing death at this point. Seeing someone you love go through something like this is something that really hurts, but also gives you perspective you wouldn’t have had otherwise.
In an interview with Katie Swegarden who works in health services at RCTC as a registered nurse, she emphsized that, when it comes to addiction, “there is definitely help available.”
Swegarden takes her job seriously and is a great resource for those in need of health-related services. In the interview, there were times when I asked questions, and due to how seriously Swegarden takes confidentiality, she was not able to give me an answer. She said, “If there is concern that some sort of substance use could be affecting the condition then we’ll discuss that with the individual student.”
Another thing Swegarden talked about is how Zumbro Valley sends over a therapist to RCTC three times a week, which is very unique for a smaller campus. There are lots of resources on campus on to help get you through whatever health concerns you may be going through whether it is alcoholism or something else like a cold, STI testing, mental health struggles, strep throat, UTI, etc.
My dad wants to warn people so that they do not end up where he has ended up. One of the main things he wants people to know is that “there is a fine line between drinking in moderation and having alcohol be in control. It’s very easy to cross that line.”
Ever since he stopped drinking, my dad has gotten to experience life so much better by just feeling the emotions he hid with alcohol for so long. He wishes he could go back every day, but the thing is he can’t. It is not too late for you though; do not end up where he ended up.
by Colleen McGowan